Weeks 28 and 29.

Pregnancy is becoming more and more real everyday. Not only did I find an outcropping of ruby-coloured stretchmarks extending across my ever-expanding fleshy buttocks this morning (29 weeks, 5 days), but acid reflux has become a daily plague that causes me to burp and vomit at the same time (morning, noon, and especially at night). In fact, one night, I "slept" in my husband's recliner because otherwise, I am sure I would have drowned in my own stomach acid. Mmm, pregnancy sure sounds fun, right?

Sorry for the negativity- that is probably attributable to my up-and-down rollercoaster hormones, which have kicked into high-gear. I can be okay one moment, and then a bawling mess the next. It takes a lot of energy to keep from just going nuts on myself and on my husband. I'm getting butt-hurt over the small, insignificant things. (Wow, yeah, my mind is still on those ugly butt stretchmarks, can you tell? >:|)

The 20 of June marked me going on disability leave, and though, YES, I KNOW IT'S EARLY (seriously, stop making me feel even more guilty about it!), I am glad that I have taken this time for myself. The stress and physical pain I was feeling at work was just not worth it, I realise, and I am glad my doctor was the one who flat-out suggested that I go on leave. At any rate, that doesn't mean that I'm not bored as heck, but I'm trying to start reading up on what to expect from birth and motherhood, and just finishing up projects.

On that note, we finally got our co-ed BBQ/pool party baby shower invitations sent out, and uhm, wow... lots of people were invited. I know most of them will probably not come, but stil! Let's hope no one brings any booze! Also, Kevin and his dad finished painting Lucas' room, and now I just feel that much more excited about his arrival.

We saw Dr Hoang at 29 weeks, 1 day, and now that I've decided to find out my weight everytime, I am thankful to say that my weight did not go up (in fact, it went "down" by .6 of a pound) in the last couple weeks. I'm just trying to be more conscious of when I'm eating, and of my snacks (fruit instead of jellybeans and frozen yoghurt, Subway 6-inch veggie sandwich instead of hospital cafeteria lasagne), because Lord knows, I don't want to gain more weight than I need to. (Plus, everyone seems to think it's a great idea to rub it in that the last trimester is when you "really start getting big!") Despite that, I am still not okay with what my lower half is doing (seemingly ballooning up)... and that was just compounded when I tried on a maternity tankini swimsuit earlier this week. I spent the rest of the night sobbing my eyes out, after discovering several stretchmarks running down my thighs under my butt. And yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have to be able to mourn the loss of my body, even if Lucas is our blessing and miracle.

At any rate, I talked to the doctor about my birth preferences (heplock/no IV, intermittent monitoring/being able to move around, and having a doula with us) and, in his words, he said: “I want this to be your best da_n pregnancy, so we have no problem whatsoever with allowing you to do whatever you want, as long as everything is going fine.” He seemed totally open about my doula being in the room and about going naturally (WITHOUT pitocin)! :) PHEW! What a weight off my shoulders, and I’m so glad that he is understanding. Let's just hope the hospital is equally respectful...

Weeks 25, 26, and 27.

As shown in my last post, the last week has not been easy at all. Since the 5th of June, Kevin and I have been in deep mourning for the loss of our baby girl cat Minnie. It pretty much affected my ability to function or focus all of this last week. Two days ago (Thursday), I went in to the OBGYN a week earlier than expected, as I was having severe back pain. We had an ultrasound, and Baby Lucas is doing very well. However, my doctor advised me to go on disability leave. I'm still contemplating it, while I have a doctor's note for the next week.

During this appointment, like all OBGYN appointments, I stepped on the scale backwards. I expected the medical assistant to just nod, and say "Okay," and then I could put my shoes back on and be DONE with the worst part of the appointment. But no, this time she had to announce my weight to me. And it is HIGH. Higher than it has ever been in my life. After panicking a whole lot, I got up the nerve to ask my OBGYN if I was doing okay, and even went so far as to ask him if he would tell me if I was gaining too much. He said my weight gain was fine, and that he'd only mention it if I gained more than 20 pounds in the last 12+ weeks. At any rate, I am still not happy with what I weigh, and my thoughts are pretty much on two things: 1) having a safe, healthy, calm, and prayerfully natural birth... and 2) losing this baby weight while breastfeeding and getting back to training!

We interviewed our second doula yesterday, and she sounds like she might be "the one" for me. Kevin isn't so sure. But I love her philosophy on things like circumcision and breastfeeding. Not only does she provide 2-3 prenatal visits, but also 1-2 postpartum visits... and 1 full year of breastfeeding help. Which, considering I want to breastfeed and train for events again, I will need help, I'm sure. I have a feeling that she'll be helping me know just how much I actually need to be eating to produce a good amount of milk.

We decided to paint Lucas' room, so the bottom quarter of his room is a light blue and there is a dark brown border at the top. We'll be decorating with the turtle and polka-dot appliques. :) We also got the baby shower invitations in the mail, so I've been trying to slowly get all the envelopes addressed.



But yep, pretty much, I'm just more winded from any sort of activity, my back hurts all the time, and oh, I think I have some really itchy spider veins (let's pray they aren't actually tiny stretchmarks) on my outer thighs. Pregnancy has been harder than I thought it would be, and I don't feel like the blissful mommy-to-be that I should be, especially considering we tried for Lucas for so long.

A Kitty's Thanks. (A Poem.)

I know you’re feeling sad,
but there’s no need to be -
even if I can’t be there, purring
and rubbing around your feet.

I’ve still got a windowsill,
and warm places in the sun.
Though no one really owns a cat,
for me, you were the one.

I know my time had come
and know that you did, too.
Please don’t think you did me wrong.
You did what you had to do.

You may be feeling guilty
that my life is at its end,
but please don’t feel that way.
Through memories, you’ll always be my friend.

-Author Unknown

Rest in peace, little princess Minnie. We love you so much. Thank you for gracing us with your precious presence. You were taken from us too soon, but you will never, ever be forgotten. (5 June 2011.)