Weeks 30 and 31.

These last couple weeks have been busy, busy, busy. During week 30, I spent my 4th of July weekend with my in-laws and a couple of their friends. We headed to Lake Nacimiento in the RV, toting the boat behind us. I was eager to get a little sun and try out my new maternity swimsuit. Despite not being able to do any waterskiing or wakeboarding (I don't really like doing either, typically, anyway), I did enjoy going out on the boat. I think Lucas didn't know WHAT to think, as we bounced over the water. However, it was great to get out and swim around a bunch- "they" say water is good for a pregnant woman, and I think they're right. ;) I thought it was really special when my sister-in-law got to feel Baby Boy having the hiccups. By the end of the weekend, ultimately, I was exhausted, though. My back was really acting up on the trip home, and I was glad to be back in the air-conditioning (even if it was 107 degrees outside at home)!

Oh, and did I mention that we went for a 3D ultrasound? It was a bummer that we didn't really get a clear picture of his face, since he had his hands and arms in front of it! However, we did get to see him blink, yawn, and munch on his hand, not to mention him showing off his little boy parts! And now, the horrible reflux I've been having makes a little more sense- the ultrasound technician immediately noted lots of hair on his head. No wonder I've been downing Tums like it's going out of style! :P Here's the video my husband caught using his iPhone:



The weekend of week 31, I spent time at the coast with my mom's side of the family (my grandma, aunt, sister, male cousin, uncle, and my female cousin + her two precious kids). My cousin Lindsey and her kids Bailey (age almost 3) and Oliver (age 1) live in Australia, where her husband is from, so I rarely get to see them (the last time was August 2009). In fact, this was the first time I got to meet little Oliver! It's always pretty hectic when it comes to my family (no, seriously, NO ONE ever ends up agreeing on what we're doing), so by the time Sunday rolled around, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. My family and I spent a lot of time walking around at farmers markets in Morro Bay and San Luis Obispo... and every night, I totally conked out back at the hotel with my hubby. I think I experienced my first noticeable Braxton Hicks contraction after a particularly crazy day of bouncing a baby (Oliver) and trying to help my cousin manage a sassy 3-year-old (Bailey). ;) Also, I noticed lots of belly cramping and my sciatic nerve was just going crazy. :( I'm almost "beached whale" status with this belly! Haha.

Yep, so... that's all I can think of for now! I know, I know, not very detailed, but I'm too tired to think clearly today. Bye for now!

Yes, that is our baby boy's hand during the ultrasound at 30 weeks, 2 days!

Weeks 28 and 29.

Pregnancy is becoming more and more real everyday. Not only did I find an outcropping of ruby-coloured stretchmarks extending across my ever-expanding fleshy buttocks this morning (29 weeks, 5 days), but acid reflux has become a daily plague that causes me to burp and vomit at the same time (morning, noon, and especially at night). In fact, one night, I "slept" in my husband's recliner because otherwise, I am sure I would have drowned in my own stomach acid. Mmm, pregnancy sure sounds fun, right?

Sorry for the negativity- that is probably attributable to my up-and-down rollercoaster hormones, which have kicked into high-gear. I can be okay one moment, and then a bawling mess the next. It takes a lot of energy to keep from just going nuts on myself and on my husband. I'm getting butt-hurt over the small, insignificant things. (Wow, yeah, my mind is still on those ugly butt stretchmarks, can you tell? >:|)

The 20 of June marked me going on disability leave, and though, YES, I KNOW IT'S EARLY (seriously, stop making me feel even more guilty about it!), I am glad that I have taken this time for myself. The stress and physical pain I was feeling at work was just not worth it, I realise, and I am glad my doctor was the one who flat-out suggested that I go on leave. At any rate, that doesn't mean that I'm not bored as heck, but I'm trying to start reading up on what to expect from birth and motherhood, and just finishing up projects.

On that note, we finally got our co-ed BBQ/pool party baby shower invitations sent out, and uhm, wow... lots of people were invited. I know most of them will probably not come, but stil! Let's hope no one brings any booze! Also, Kevin and his dad finished painting Lucas' room, and now I just feel that much more excited about his arrival.

We saw Dr Hoang at 29 weeks, 1 day, and now that I've decided to find out my weight everytime, I am thankful to say that my weight did not go up (in fact, it went "down" by .6 of a pound) in the last couple weeks. I'm just trying to be more conscious of when I'm eating, and of my snacks (fruit instead of jellybeans and frozen yoghurt, Subway 6-inch veggie sandwich instead of hospital cafeteria lasagne), because Lord knows, I don't want to gain more weight than I need to. (Plus, everyone seems to think it's a great idea to rub it in that the last trimester is when you "really start getting big!") Despite that, I am still not okay with what my lower half is doing (seemingly ballooning up)... and that was just compounded when I tried on a maternity tankini swimsuit earlier this week. I spent the rest of the night sobbing my eyes out, after discovering several stretchmarks running down my thighs under my butt. And yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have to be able to mourn the loss of my body, even if Lucas is our blessing and miracle.

At any rate, I talked to the doctor about my birth preferences (heplock/no IV, intermittent monitoring/being able to move around, and having a doula with us) and, in his words, he said: “I want this to be your best da_n pregnancy, so we have no problem whatsoever with allowing you to do whatever you want, as long as everything is going fine.” He seemed totally open about my doula being in the room and about going naturally (WITHOUT pitocin)! :) PHEW! What a weight off my shoulders, and I’m so glad that he is understanding. Let's just hope the hospital is equally respectful...

Weeks 25, 26, and 27.

As shown in my last post, the last week has not been easy at all. Since the 5th of June, Kevin and I have been in deep mourning for the loss of our baby girl cat Minnie. It pretty much affected my ability to function or focus all of this last week. Two days ago (Thursday), I went in to the OBGYN a week earlier than expected, as I was having severe back pain. We had an ultrasound, and Baby Lucas is doing very well. However, my doctor advised me to go on disability leave. I'm still contemplating it, while I have a doctor's note for the next week.

During this appointment, like all OBGYN appointments, I stepped on the scale backwards. I expected the medical assistant to just nod, and say "Okay," and then I could put my shoes back on and be DONE with the worst part of the appointment. But no, this time she had to announce my weight to me. And it is HIGH. Higher than it has ever been in my life. After panicking a whole lot, I got up the nerve to ask my OBGYN if I was doing okay, and even went so far as to ask him if he would tell me if I was gaining too much. He said my weight gain was fine, and that he'd only mention it if I gained more than 20 pounds in the last 12+ weeks. At any rate, I am still not happy with what I weigh, and my thoughts are pretty much on two things: 1) having a safe, healthy, calm, and prayerfully natural birth... and 2) losing this baby weight while breastfeeding and getting back to training!

We interviewed our second doula yesterday, and she sounds like she might be "the one" for me. Kevin isn't so sure. But I love her philosophy on things like circumcision and breastfeeding. Not only does she provide 2-3 prenatal visits, but also 1-2 postpartum visits... and 1 full year of breastfeeding help. Which, considering I want to breastfeed and train for events again, I will need help, I'm sure. I have a feeling that she'll be helping me know just how much I actually need to be eating to produce a good amount of milk.

We decided to paint Lucas' room, so the bottom quarter of his room is a light blue and there is a dark brown border at the top. We'll be decorating with the turtle and polka-dot appliques. :) We also got the baby shower invitations in the mail, so I've been trying to slowly get all the envelopes addressed.



But yep, pretty much, I'm just more winded from any sort of activity, my back hurts all the time, and oh, I think I have some really itchy spider veins (let's pray they aren't actually tiny stretchmarks) on my outer thighs. Pregnancy has been harder than I thought it would be, and I don't feel like the blissful mommy-to-be that I should be, especially considering we tried for Lucas for so long.

A Kitty's Thanks. (A Poem.)

I know you’re feeling sad,
but there’s no need to be -
even if I can’t be there, purring
and rubbing around your feet.

I’ve still got a windowsill,
and warm places in the sun.
Though no one really owns a cat,
for me, you were the one.

I know my time had come
and know that you did, too.
Please don’t think you did me wrong.
You did what you had to do.

You may be feeling guilty
that my life is at its end,
but please don’t feel that way.
Through memories, you’ll always be my friend.

-Author Unknown

Rest in peace, little princess Minnie. We love you so much. Thank you for gracing us with your precious presence. You were taken from us too soon, but you will never, ever be forgotten. (5 June 2011.)

Weeks 23 and 24.

Man, I've been slacking with blogging. I feel like time is starting to go by so quickly, though! The last couple weeks have been a blur of hormones, exhaustion, and uncertainty. But can you believe that our little Lucas is already 1.5 pounds and over a foot long? In the last two weeks, he has gotten a lot more active and likes kicking my cervix- something that is quite awkward while I'm sitting or at work trying to focus. :P Another couple things they don't tell you about pregnancy: the peeing any time you sneeze, cough, or even laugh too hard. Oh, and the discharge. Groan, we won't go any further on that topic. :| It's shocking how out of breath I get now when I walk too long or up a couple flight of stairs, and how, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to bend over very well. Kevin has been having to help me up if I sit down on the floor, in fact! And within the last week, my lower back pain has gotten horrible. I can barely get through my 8-hour work day without being in total agony... and that's after walking around/stretching every 30 minutes or so!

I have to say, I was not ready for what my body was going to go through while pregnant. I wish I could say that it is all sunshine and rainbows, but of course, pregnancy is hard work! I try not to let it overwhelm me too often, but even a few days ago, I totally broke down. I especially was not anticipating how much bigger all of my body parts (arms, legs, breasts, butt) would get, and how out of control and uncomfortable I would start feeling. My thought was that it would be "easy" to gain the weight and eat healthily, since I am growing a little human life. Yes, I have gained the weight and still eat (a lot!), but it is NOT easy. It takes a personal choice to be obedient to God and to take care of my growing son. I have seen, a few times now, how restriction can truly cause huge issues and even death to a growing baby. But man, I cannot help but keep thinking about how I am going to lose this weight after Lucas is born!!! I know it's possible, but it's going to take totally giving myself to the Lord and dedicating myself to my child to keep from going back to the enemy's sly tricks (anorexia nervosa, compulsive exercise, etc).

On top of that, there is an "optional" test that (nearly) all moms are prescribed by their doctors between 24-28 weeks. That test is the glucose test for gestational diabetes. This test includes drinking 50g of pure sugar water (something I was TERRIFIED of doing), waiting for an hour, and then coming back to the lab for them to extract 4 vials of blood. Technically, I could have refused this test, and satan was having a blast telling me how "oh, I'm very low-risk for gestational diabetes anyway, and there's absolutely no reason to drink my calories!" So, let's be clear: even though I have not had significant liquid calories (like, I've only had Crystal Light and low-calorie Gatorade when I was puking from hyperemesis) since I was 12 or 13 years old (except, of course, through a nasogastric feeding tube), I finally got up the courage to drink this crap (or maybe I just didn't want to have to explain to my OBGYN that I was too "scared" to drink a 300 calorie bottle of sugar to make sure my body is healthy while growing my baby). I still cried, and man, I spent the next hour praying and expressing my fear to others. But God got me through it, and as expected, He didn't give me anything I couldn't handle. ;) I'll find out the results at my next doctor's visit, at 28 weeks, I believe.

Anyway, I'll wrap this up- basically, pregnancy is beyond what I expected, how it has touched my heart as well as brought me closer to God. Maybe that's why, as always, God blessed me with this miracle who doctors told me would never happen. Thanks, Jesus- you always know how to teach me things the right ways. Well, duh! ;)

Here's the video from our 6-month ultrasound:

Dear God...

This is something I found on the "Dashboard" of one of my Tumblr followers. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with you all...

Dear God,

How creative You are. The ways You have binded my body together, the way my heart beats and my blood pumps. Its all so intricate, you didn’t have to put so much work into these skin and bones we reside in, and maybe that’s why I thirst to know more about it. Lord, help me not to take anything for granted. This reminds me of how fragile I really am, in all senses of the word, ready to snap at any moment. Ready to crumble in my weakness. But where I am weak, You are strong. Where I fall short You show me what You’ve done for me. When I stumble or become unsteady, You are there to catch me and hold me. How I fit in the palm of Your hand. Its all so beautiful, and I am awestruck. You don’t need me God, You want me, and I desperately need you, but sometimes I act as if I don’t want You. What a fickle, silly girl I am. Naïve in some ways and too mature in others, but I don’t care. The scars are only a reminder of all I could have been. The memories are only a motivator to make the future better. I will desperately cling to You, You are all I have, and that’s the best feeling. You are the ultimate artist, and I am Your canvas. Paint on.

Amen.

Week 22.

Well, here comes another blog and another week. :) Unfortunately... I am SICK with the flu. Three of my co-workers have been sick (2 of them had to go to the ER, and all of them are on some heavy-duty medications /antibiotics), but because I am pregnant, no antibiotics for me! I have to stick to Benedryl and Tylenol! Ack. :( So, I was out from work for 2 days, and then went back to the grind on Friday. I barely made it through the day. Today, I've just been coughing non-stop. :\

Baby Lucas is kicking and moving around so much! I'm starting to get more used to being uncomfortable while sleeping, not to mention the extra baggage I'm carrying (though I am still really not okay with how little physical fitness I'm getting in and the extra pounds I'm putting on now due to being exhausted after 40 hours of work per week). On Wednesday, Lucas' crib /changer combo was delivered- and today (Saturday), Kevin put it together! How awesome! I just can't wait to get the bedding, the mattress, and all the rest of the furniture... still so much to do. And on that note, I have a few doulas in mind, but still have yet to decide! :P