Weeks 23 and 24.

Man, I've been slacking with blogging. I feel like time is starting to go by so quickly, though! The last couple weeks have been a blur of hormones, exhaustion, and uncertainty. But can you believe that our little Lucas is already 1.5 pounds and over a foot long? In the last two weeks, he has gotten a lot more active and likes kicking my cervix- something that is quite awkward while I'm sitting or at work trying to focus. :P Another couple things they don't tell you about pregnancy: the peeing any time you sneeze, cough, or even laugh too hard. Oh, and the discharge. Groan, we won't go any further on that topic. :| It's shocking how out of breath I get now when I walk too long or up a couple flight of stairs, and how, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to bend over very well. Kevin has been having to help me up if I sit down on the floor, in fact! And within the last week, my lower back pain has gotten horrible. I can barely get through my 8-hour work day without being in total agony... and that's after walking around/stretching every 30 minutes or so!

I have to say, I was not ready for what my body was going to go through while pregnant. I wish I could say that it is all sunshine and rainbows, but of course, pregnancy is hard work! I try not to let it overwhelm me too often, but even a few days ago, I totally broke down. I especially was not anticipating how much bigger all of my body parts (arms, legs, breasts, butt) would get, and how out of control and uncomfortable I would start feeling. My thought was that it would be "easy" to gain the weight and eat healthily, since I am growing a little human life. Yes, I have gained the weight and still eat (a lot!), but it is NOT easy. It takes a personal choice to be obedient to God and to take care of my growing son. I have seen, a few times now, how restriction can truly cause huge issues and even death to a growing baby. But man, I cannot help but keep thinking about how I am going to lose this weight after Lucas is born!!! I know it's possible, but it's going to take totally giving myself to the Lord and dedicating myself to my child to keep from going back to the enemy's sly tricks (anorexia nervosa, compulsive exercise, etc).

On top of that, there is an "optional" test that (nearly) all moms are prescribed by their doctors between 24-28 weeks. That test is the glucose test for gestational diabetes. This test includes drinking 50g of pure sugar water (something I was TERRIFIED of doing), waiting for an hour, and then coming back to the lab for them to extract 4 vials of blood. Technically, I could have refused this test, and satan was having a blast telling me how "oh, I'm very low-risk for gestational diabetes anyway, and there's absolutely no reason to drink my calories!" So, let's be clear: even though I have not had significant liquid calories (like, I've only had Crystal Light and low-calorie Gatorade when I was puking from hyperemesis) since I was 12 or 13 years old (except, of course, through a nasogastric feeding tube), I finally got up the courage to drink this crap (or maybe I just didn't want to have to explain to my OBGYN that I was too "scared" to drink a 300 calorie bottle of sugar to make sure my body is healthy while growing my baby). I still cried, and man, I spent the next hour praying and expressing my fear to others. But God got me through it, and as expected, He didn't give me anything I couldn't handle. ;) I'll find out the results at my next doctor's visit, at 28 weeks, I believe.

Anyway, I'll wrap this up- basically, pregnancy is beyond what I expected, how it has touched my heart as well as brought me closer to God. Maybe that's why, as always, God blessed me with this miracle who doctors told me would never happen. Thanks, Jesus- you always know how to teach me things the right ways. Well, duh! ;)

Here's the video from our 6-month ultrasound:

Dear God...

This is something I found on the "Dashboard" of one of my Tumblr followers. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with you all...

Dear God,

How creative You are. The ways You have binded my body together, the way my heart beats and my blood pumps. Its all so intricate, you didn’t have to put so much work into these skin and bones we reside in, and maybe that’s why I thirst to know more about it. Lord, help me not to take anything for granted. This reminds me of how fragile I really am, in all senses of the word, ready to snap at any moment. Ready to crumble in my weakness. But where I am weak, You are strong. Where I fall short You show me what You’ve done for me. When I stumble or become unsteady, You are there to catch me and hold me. How I fit in the palm of Your hand. Its all so beautiful, and I am awestruck. You don’t need me God, You want me, and I desperately need you, but sometimes I act as if I don’t want You. What a fickle, silly girl I am. Naïve in some ways and too mature in others, but I don’t care. The scars are only a reminder of all I could have been. The memories are only a motivator to make the future better. I will desperately cling to You, You are all I have, and that’s the best feeling. You are the ultimate artist, and I am Your canvas. Paint on.

Amen.

Week 22.

Well, here comes another blog and another week. :) Unfortunately... I am SICK with the flu. Three of my co-workers have been sick (2 of them had to go to the ER, and all of them are on some heavy-duty medications /antibiotics), but because I am pregnant, no antibiotics for me! I have to stick to Benedryl and Tylenol! Ack. :( So, I was out from work for 2 days, and then went back to the grind on Friday. I barely made it through the day. Today, I've just been coughing non-stop. :\

Baby Lucas is kicking and moving around so much! I'm starting to get more used to being uncomfortable while sleeping, not to mention the extra baggage I'm carrying (though I am still really not okay with how little physical fitness I'm getting in and the extra pounds I'm putting on now due to being exhausted after 40 hours of work per week). On Wednesday, Lucas' crib /changer combo was delivered- and today (Saturday), Kevin put it together! How awesome! I just can't wait to get the bedding, the mattress, and all the rest of the furniture... still so much to do. And on that note, I have a few doulas in mind, but still have yet to decide! :P

Weeks 20 and 21.

Yep, that's right- another two-fer-one blog! :D So what've we (all three of us, that is!) been up to? Let's get this blog started!

Week 20:
This week started off pretty boring, to be honest. I just went to work as usual... but on FRIDAY (22 April), I turned 25 years old, and kicked off my "babymoon" (like a honeymoon, except to celebrate together before the baby comes) vacation in Solvang! We checked into our Holiday Inn Express hotel around 330 PM, and found out that our room had been UPGRADED! Woohoo! Our room was actually two-stories- the bed and a flat-screen television on the top/third floor and a couch, microwave, coffee maker, fridge, bathroom, and another flat-screen television on the bottom/second floor. It was wild. And oh, did I mention that we had a balcony that overlooked the beautiful Hans Christian Andersen Park?! Yeah, talk about awesome... We had dinner at Angelica Cafe, and then spent the rest of the evening walking around. It's totally a little tourist town. ;)

On Saturday, we woke up leisurely, and I went downstairs for breakfast that the hotel provided in their dining room. After Kevin enjoyed his oatmeal and mocha that I brought to him in bed (yes, spoiled!), we got ready for the day and headed out for the "tourist experience." Solvang ("sunny fields" in Danish) is a cute little town that was founded by 3 Danish-Americans who wanted to find a place in California where they could settle and their heritage could thrive. So now, it's known as "the Danish capital of America." It truly is quite lovely, with lots of greenery, Danish architecture, and clean air (something that is very much lacking in Bakersfield!). For lunch, we stopped at Solvang Restaurant, where we also had aebleskivers- Danish pancakes shaped into balls and topped with raspberry jam and powdered sugar. Whoa. We also stopped at the Santa Ines mission, another peaceful destination... and then, there it was: Solvang Bakery! Why is this significant? Well, I had been searching and searching for the perfect piece of birthday cake to celebrate my 25th, because I haven't had a piece of my own birthday cake in over a decade (yes, seriously)! And there it was: black forest cake. However, after dinner at Pea Soup Andersen's, there was no room for cake, and I had to save it for Sunday. BUT I WAS GOING TO HAVE MY BIRTHDAY CAKE, DANGIT! :D

On Sunday morning, at around 1 AM, I woke up to my baby moving a LOT... and I could feel him punching/ kicking my hand! I woke Kevin up and for about 30 minutes, he had his hand resting on my belly, waiting patiently for Lucas to move again. It never happened- just like allllll the baby advice sites said would happen. BOO! Later, when we actually woke up for the day, we went to Ostrich Land. Yes, Ostrich Land... where we got to watch poor, naive tourists feed violently hungry, ferocious ostriches and emus. Kevin and I got a serious kick out of it. As he put it: "Oh dang, yes, that was worth the 8$ admission fee!" Haha. In the late evening, we drove over to the Chumash Casino- no, not to gamble, but to get a "maternity massage"! Ahhhhhhh, it was really great, and quite relaxing. Definitely more "gentle" than my sports massages, that's for sure. Afterward, we STUFFED ourselves at SJ Spurs- kind of a bad idea, since I've been getting wicked reflux. And oh, somewhere in there... I HAD MY FRIGGIN' BIRTHDAY CAKE (and Kevin helped, of course)! :D

Sadly, on Monday, the 25 April, we had to pack up and leave our little oasis. We got home after another 3-hour drive, did some laundry, cleaned up after our bad cats, and relaxed before we had to go back to the grind the next day.

If you want, check out the rest of our Solvang vacation photos here!


Week 21:
The beginning of this gestational week (Tuesday 26 April), it was back to the same ol', same ol'... The biggest symptoms I've been noticing are: exhaustion (yes, still!), more huffing and puffing (short of breath easily), a lot more kicking (especially around mealtimes that I've seemed to have established- 7 AM, noon, 5-6ish), psycho maternal instinct nightmares/dreams, having to pee a lot, itchy skin (so I've been using a lot of the Palmer's body lotion), and sitting at work for hours at a time is getting more and more uncomfortable. My feet swelled a little while at work, and my co-worker, seeing me walking a little funny, said that I was "waddling already." :| Not to mention, the baby bump comments are coming from left and right, and some people have already rubbed my belly (I am not a Buddha, people)! Oh well, people have said and done worse to me when was "death-orexic" (as my husband put it), and I'm just glad my baby is healthy. I've been more and more tempted to find out what my weight is (since I know for certain that my thighs, butt, and arms have gained significantly), but like Kevin agreed, I just don't need to know right now. Period. However, Kevin did just put together my fantastic new LifeSpan TR 1200i folding treadmill that I purchased off Amazon! :D Can't wait to really put it to use!

Also, now that I am on the "downhill" of my pregnancy (20 weeks being the general "halfway point"), I've started really thinking about our birth plan. That is to say, how I want to go through delivering our baby. Like many moms, I would love to have a completely natural birth. However, I am just not sure how it will go, pain-wise... not to mention any sort of emergencies that might happen to come up. I will definitely be delivering in a hospital, but it's been so helpful to check out peaceful birthing sites that have stories about women who have had successful natural births.

If you've given birth naturally, and you just so happen to be reading this blog, would you tell me about your experiences? :)

Weeks 18 and 19.

Argh! I just haven't felt like blogging lately, to be honest. But let's see... I've been having the same sort of symptoms like exhaustion, insomnia, and cramps when I sneeze, cough, or stretch (and sometimes when I just turn the wrong way).

During week 18, Kevin and I went to a huge consignment sale called "Little Feet Repeats"! While there, we checked out all sorts of gently/never used furniture, bags, clothes, and toys. We ended up getting six receiving blankets, a swaddling outfit, two little outfits, a diaper backpack (in lieu of a diaper bag), and a few maternity outfits for myself. :)

As I write, I am 19 weeks, 5 days pregnant... and things are not easy. I will be honest, I am having personal difficulties with not allowing my fears overwhelm me. Will I be a good mom? Will I ever be able to run again? Will I ever be considered "thin" again? What if (UGH, I hate those two words!) I fall victim to the enemy again? Will my husband and I stay close after he is born? I mean, I know these things ultimately don't matter if I can just give birth to a healthy little boy, but I guess it's that perfectionist in me that God is still working on changing that keeps popping up.


At any rate, we had our fourth ultrasound on Wednesday... and our baby boy is DEFINITELY a little boy. :) So, on that note, we have finally determined his precious name- Lucas Dean. <3 Dean is a middle name that has been passed down through several generations in Kevin's family, and Lucas is just a lovely name and has a great meaning. I hope you like the name too, but if you don't... that's just too bad! ;P

Week 17.

My belly is getting BIG. And with that comes unsure comments and stares from people. It is strange to think that in basically 2.5 weeks, I'll be halfway through the pregnancy. And on that note, my emotions are rearing their ugly head(s). FEAR is taking me over- I know I've already gained a considerable amount of weight, and it doesn't help that I have so little energy and motivation to run, let alone walk.

This is where I am thankful for the Bible (though, I admit, I've had my meltdowns, for sure, which Kevin can attest to)! What does the Word say about fear? "There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." (1 John 4:18, MSG)

Symptoms this week? They include: abdominal pain (round ligament pain/cramps), baaaad constipation, exhaustion, crabbiness and mood swings, bloating, having to pee twice as much, insomnia and pressure. I'm starting to feel the baby pretty clearly now. When I sit down, it's almost like he drops down. Bizarre feeling. Kevin likes to talk to my belly, even though I'm pretty sure the baby can't hear yet. :P He loves listening to his son swishing around in there too. Haha.

Ooo, so... we also got a CAT CAGE! How does this have to do with my pregnancy? Well, we realised that we needed to start locking the cats out of our bedroom at night, to get them used to when the baby comes- we don't exactly want the baby to get smothered in his bassinet by our too-affectionate cats. :\ But when we would close our bedroom door to keep them out, we would get NO sleep, as they would start loudly crying, meowing, and scratching at the door... :( So, we decided we needed to get a nice cat cage for them to sleep (or harass each other) in at night. They don't like it, but NOW WE CAN ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSED! :D

PS: We are registered at Amazon.com, Target, and Babies R Us!

Week 16.

This post is... surprise, surprise... LATE! I am technically now 16 weeks, 6 days, and will be 17 weeks tomorrow! But I just didn't feel like taking a photo. I ended up taking these ones because my hubby insisted, last night after dinner (so the bump is both food baby and Baby boy)! :D I've been craving spicy foods, of all things! Is Baby Boy already a little firecracker? I think so! :)

The last week I've been just exhausted, mentally and physically. I am so grateful to Jesus for healing my body and giving me this child, and yet, I didn't expect things would be so tough! The enemy has come against me so much lately, especially as my work-outs have come to a near halt. However, I hold tight to my God, as He is so much bigger than all my problems. I love 1 Timothy 4:8 when I start feeling this way- "Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever."

This weekend, Kevin and I took all of the things we had cleared out of the office and what is now the baby's nursery to Goodwill, including my gigantic hoarded stash of old magasines (Runner's World, Psychology Today, Real Simple, etc). Not easy, but needed to be done. Then, Kevin decided we should try to find a white paint that will match the current wall colour, so that we could do some touch ups (especially in the nursery, since there's a big scuff). Well, we pick out a sample of "bone white" (which is what our customised house plans called for when we looked it up in our home owner's info)- yeah, THAT didn't work! It looked really brown in comparison to the white on the wall. So, fast forward: we tried two more colours (one was too blue, the other too yellow), and neither worked. ACK! We WILL figure this out, but for now... I think we're gonna end up doing the baby's room in blue. :\ Haha.

Ooo, we have our registries now, too! We are registered at Amazon.com, Target, and Babies R Us! WOOHOO! How very exciting! :) I have noticed that I have really started itching to clean and fix things up for the baby, and I'm guessing this is a slight "nesting instinct" kicking in. Ooooohhhh, boy! Haha.

But yep, as you can see, this is the real deal, folks. Baby Boy is already a chunker, and I already have quite the lump growing in my gut. I'm trusting in God that I'll be able to control and maintain my weight gain, but even while I'm dealing with this anxiety of weight gain, I'll just rest in Him. Thank you, Jesus, for saving me from anorexia nervosa and compulsive overexercising. I will never forget Your great name, and I refuse to go back. <3