Book Review: "Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin (AKA Tweedle Dee and Tweedle DUMB).

So... has anyone actually really read Skinny Bitch? It's horrifying- the way they put their readers down is unparalleled and sums up just how disordered and distorted our society's body image is.

(Note: As Peach Friedman wrote in her memoir "Diary of an Exercise Addict," did you know that only an estimated 2% of women worldwide find themselves beautiful? Two percent!)

If anything, the book is a semi-manual for how to pull the trigger on a full-blown eating disorder. I know this is not me just being sensitive (as I have been in and out of treatment for anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders for over a decade): there's a reason it only receives a meagre 3-star average rating (out of five stars) on Amazon, with 302 out of 1000 reader reviews being a telling one-star rating. Be sure to note, however: Most of the positive reviews just scream disordered thinking and behaviours...

Along those lines, do these self-proclaimed "writers" (an ex-model and former modeling agent, to boot!) really think being vegan is, like, a dieting thing? That's like the PETA billboard's claim that being vegetarian is a great way to lose weight! Uh, no, and if you are becoming vegetarian or vegan to lose weight, you're more than likely just using a euphemism for disordered eating.

And lastly, but certainly not least, the "misogynists" who wrote the book are nutritionists; that is, they are not dietitians. Nutritionists nearly always undergo far less education, experience, certification, internships, and training. How do I know this? My mother-in-law (scroll down to locate "Kathleen") is the chief clinical dietitian and assistant director of nutrition at the hospital here. Trust me, she will correct somebody if they say she's a nutritionist. "No, I went through far too many classes, internships, dietetic certifications, and so on, to be generally labeled as a 'nutritionist'," she often reminds people.

(Please also note this revealing statement: "In many countries only people who have specified educational credentials can call themselves 'dietitians' — the title is legally protected. The term 'nutritionist' is also widely used; however, the term nutritionist is not regulated as dietitian is. People may [as in, "might"- not in the permissive sense] call themselves nutritionists without the educational and professional requirements of registered dietitians.")

Just to drive the point home, I'll conclude by saying this: This book is insanely degrading. The "authors" are not professionals on the topic. They are crude, vulgar, and crass. This book does nothing for our 21st century society, except cause us to take 10 steps backwards, while we desperately need to be moving toward self-realisation and self-acceptance. I do not recommend this drivel to anyone who wants to live life to the fullest by learning intuitive eating, balanced physical activity, and in turn, gaining inner peace. Actually... scratch that. I don't recommend this crap to anyone, period.

(Just for the record: I literally ripped this book up to shreds while in treatment (2007-2008) for an eating disorder. Yes... yes, I did. Why? Because after the real dietitians showed me how to restore and maintain my weight in a healthy manner, based on their knowledge and extensive training, I realised Freedman and Barnouin have gone further than following their own "fad diet" and verbal abuse- they are dangerously promoting: exaggerations, self-deprecation, nutritionally unsound advice, and...let's be honest, themselves.)

Book Review: "Diary of an Exercise Addict" by Peach Friedman.

"Diary of an Exercise Addict" is a truly amazing book; though the dust jacket may look deceivingly like the writing could be "triggering" for those with an eating disorder (ED), Peach Friedman does an excellent job at giving the "bigger picture" of just how much an ED and/or exercise addiction destroys and encompasses every aspect of an individual's entire life (not just physical health, but relationships, friendships, motivation, potential, etc). I genuinely recommend this book to anyone who might think that they have an unbalanced relationship with their body image, food, exercise; I also think this candidly written memoir is eye-opening to anyone with a fully-diagnosable eating disorder who wants a genuine picture of what "recovery" really looks like and entails. In the epilogue, Friedman speaks more in-depth about how an ED and exercise addiction are manifested in our culture (and gives more "research" and "clinical knowledge," rather than her side of the story or her memories), as well as the rarely-admitted, difficult (yet possible) journey into a strong recovery.

There are many quotable words-of-wisdom throughout her memoir and epilogue, but there are two sections that really stood out to me (both in the section of the epilogue about finding balance in a world that encourages "black or white" thinking). Also, just to preface the following: Peach Friedman is now in strong recovery as a personal trainer to women and men of all walks of life, including patients at the highly-regarded Summit Outreach ED Programme in Sacramento, CA.

The first is:

"It is estimated that only 2% of women worldwide (worldwide!) describe themselves as beautiful. I'm on a mission to move these numbers UP."

Wow, just... wow- how maddening is that ridiculously low percentage? Looks like we all need some self-care, self-satisfaction, and self-love, no? The second section is something that I thought really applied to many women of all ages in our western culture, who have not yet found that "healthy balance" between food/health/exercise/body satisfaction:

"As soon as we track ourselves to fight our bodies, to fight our natural size and shape, like I did, we embark on a battle destined for failure. It is impossible to win when we fight who we are. We only run further from happiness, from health, and from freedom... It's worth mentioning that an exercise addiction does not affect only those who are underweight and spending hours every day in the gym. A person can have an unhealthy, addictive obsession with exercise while still working out in moderate, recommended amounts. Some individuals may maintain a healthy body weight while exhibiting the psychological symptoms of an exercise compulsion, such as feeling the need to exercise on certain days at certain times in certain ways, or, if that routine is not possible, feeling extreme guilt as a result."

So... how many individuals do you know that sound like they might just be a little "disordered" in their thinking/fitness routines/eating habits, eh? It's something to contemplate, and Peach Friedman does an excellent job of bringing it to our attention, with her own truly relatable story and without a sense of "know-it-all personal trainer" condescension.

Peach also has a great website, located at: http://www.peachfriedman.com.

Cornflake Girl. (A Critique of my Artwork by Caitlin St Angelo.)

So, I'm not really sure if most of you know, but I've been in love with creative expression since before I can remember, whether it be through writing, drawing, beading, cooking, baking, or collaging. A few months ago, my friend Caitlin St Angelo had been given an assignment for her course in artwork to critique a "showcased artist."

(PS: Yes, that photo is of me, during my very first semester in college, at age 18. I took a poorly-instructed art course at that community college, and it was the only "B" grade I've ever received while in college or university. Honestly, the teacher only gave "A"s to the students who were brown-nosers and suck-ups. And seriously, I have been known to be quite the "teacher's pet"...except in that class. Especially in that class. Because the art professor was probably in his late-80's and showed us his published work, which, honest-to-God, looked like a five-year-old had been let loose with a pencil in his hand after being allowed access to an open sugar bowl. It was that bad. And I have never taken an instructed art class since. Anyway...)

Now, I'm not really some grand artist, raking in the dough, or anything more than a semi-refined "casual doodler." But... I had just been asked by another friend if she could showcase three of my pieces at a New York university for NEDAwareness Week 2009, and shortly afterwards, I was asked to do a piece for an auction to help my friend Stacy Pershall meet the budget goal for the costs of her upcoming documentary. So yeah, I guess you could kinda call me an artist whose creations have been "displayed."

At any rate, she chose three drawings that I had intended as part of a "series," though sadly, I have never finished creating all of the imagined pieces I wanted to include. The following is her critique, written in early 2009.
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"Lily M___'s drawing, as pictured on the previous page, reflects her 10 year drawing experience, as well as the triumphs and tribulations that fuel her work. Her initial drawings were anime imitations, which set the basis for her "cartooning", although she has considerable experience drawing realistically. Her focus slowly shifted through her early adolescence into using art as an outlet, channeling the themes of friendship, love, and the emotional runoff from her lifelong eating disorder.

This particular piece is one in a three-part series, pictures of which are shown below. Lily's Japanese-inspired figures have morphed over time in to a very specific stylized form, which still shows a basic understanding for the curves of anatomy. Her consistent use of the same style throughout her drawings implies that Lily has found her unique artistic voice, and developed a particular look that defines her work. This piece specifically also showcases a narrative, which is further developed in the series, and is very typical in all of her artwork. Lily also fond of adding a written sentence to her pieces, acting as a sort of statement of intent. Here, "I never was a cornflake girl" is stated, placed neatly beside the female form, both of which comprise a very simple and clean-cut composition, highlighted with the use of a general left side light source. There are multiple focal points, keeping the viewers eye moving - first to the "X", then between the falling cereal bowl and the written phrase next to the girl. Her artistic visions are usually complimented with very soft feminine figures like this one, frequently having some sort of erethral quality to them, and being very delicately proportioned. Rarely do her figures include full detailed anatomy, they are usually simplified down to very minimal lines, focusing on the subject matter directly and not embellishing on anything extraneous to that theme.

Although there is much to be said about the caliber of her work, there is a substantial amount that may not be considered up to par. Her figures, for example, are disproportionate; the hands and feet on all of her forms are over-sized, their bodies elongated and lanky. Rarely do her people have accurate facial features; this figure lacks eyes, a nose, and has only an "X" in place of he mouth. The range of lights and darks (all done with a #2 pencil) are very limited, representing only three or four shades. There is a complete lack of background, without even a horizon line to set the perspective. The inner contours, on the shirt for example, are very understated; only the outer contours are drawn in, the interiors left to be imagined. This piece lacks much of the "wow" factor in realism. In comparison to a detailed drawing, finished edge-to-edge realistically, Lily's piece might look much less skilled.

The flaw with the negative critique is that a drawing as such cannot necessarily be treated as a "traditional" piece. One could argue that Lily has little artistic talent, and is very limited in her capabilities. Her artwork doesn't show an efficient mastery of value scale, and is very simplistic overall. So much more could have been accomplished here, as there is much negative space to be filled. One could also argue that the simplistic forms and composition compliment the purpose of the piece, while the unrealistically drawn figure--consider its proportions, and the "X" across her mouth--in addition to the message beside her, are choice for conveying the message behind this drawing. The narrative here tells a very compelling story, especially in the context of the series. The minimalist approach, paired with the overall style, is completely warranted in this situation, and goes to show that Lily is a very talented artist, as well as an effective storyteller through the use of her art."
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So... What are your thoughts on my artwork?

Psalm 102. ("Prayer of The Afflicted.")

In April of this year, I was reading through Psalms in my brand-new Bible (given to me by my mother-in-law as a baptism gift). Many of these psalms made me think deeply about just how much each and every one of us struggle, in one way or another. Our sermon that morning had been on "self-control" (as well as faithfulness and gentleness), and as Bobby spoke, I remember feeling my eyes well up with all-too-familiar, knowing tears.

It's important to remember, as we learned, that we do not have to be controlled by the "works of the flesh" (whether that be addictive substances, overpriced gourmet delicacies, the latest "à la mode" purchase, and so on); rather, we can make decisions ultimately controlled by the Spirit (Romans 8:5-11). There is only one faith, and that is the faith we have in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:5, Galatians 3:26), not a man-made faith. No material goods (ironic term, no?) --food, drugs, alcohol, lavish clothing, latest-and-greatest tech toys-- come close to His indescribable love. But how do we put all that aside? It's not easy, and certainly not without challenge. All we can do is read and personally interpret His Word, using it as a "blueprint," so to speak (Galatians 5:6).

Now, okay, this sounds a bit laughable, but I have likened God's word to a Garmin GPS (Proverbs 8:27, KJ21). Whether we have completely detoured from the "right" path or perhaps just need a little reassurance, it's up to us to choose to set aside our "mortal" fears, concerns, ego, and/or pride. In the meantime, He waits and watches, hoping you'll catch the "oddly coincidental signs" of His love. (There are other parallels I've drawn between God's Word and a GPS navigation system- but, uh, I'll save my humour for another time. Heehee.)

Our identity is in Christ Alone (Galatians 3:26-29), and from Psalm 102, we see that He can and will heal the wounded, the sick, the hurt... all through His unconditional love and our nonstop (albeit, imperfect!) attempts to stay faithful in Him.

So! I'm truly interested in knowing:
What are your thoughts (on this post, on Psalm 102, on faith, etc)?
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Psalm 102*
("Prayer of the afflicted while faint, pour[ing their] lament before the LORD.")

^1-2God, listen! Listen to my prayer,
listen to the pain in my cries.
Don't turn your back on me
just when I need you so desperately.
Pay attention! This is a cry for help!
And hurry—this can't wait!

^3-11I'm wasting away to nothing,
I'm burning up with fever.
I'm a ghost of my former self,
half-consumed already by terminal illness.
My jaws ache from gritting my teeth;
I'm nothing but skin and bones.
I'm like a buzzard in the desert,
a crow perched on the rubble.
Insomniac, I twitter away,
mournful as a sparrow in the gutter.
All day long my enemies taunt me,
while others just curse.
They bring in meals—casseroles of ashes!
I draw drink from a barrel of my tears.
And all because of your furious anger;
you swept me up and threw me out.
There's nothing left of me—
a withered weed, swept clean from the path.

^12-17Yet you, God, are sovereign still,
always and ever sovereign.
You'll get up from your throne and help Zion—
it's time for compassionate help.
Oh, how your servants love this city's rubble
and weep with compassion over its dust!
The godless nations will sit up and take notice
—see your glory, worship your name—
When God rebuilds Zion,
when he shows up in all his glory,
When he attends to the prayer of the wretched.
He won't dismiss their prayer.

^18-22Write this down for the next generation
so people not yet born will praise God:
"God looked out from his high holy place;
from heaven he surveyed the earth.
He listened to the groans of the doomed,
he opened the doors of their death cells."
Write it so the story can be told in Zion,
so God's praise will be sung in Jerusalem's streets
And wherever people gather together
along with their rulers to worship him.

^23-28God sovereignly brought me to my knees,
he cut me down in my prime.
"Oh, don't," I prayed, "please don't let me die.
You have more years than you know what to do with!
You laid earth's foundations a long time ago,
and handcrafted the very heavens;
You'll still be around when they're long gone,
threadbare and discarded like an old suit of clothes.
You'll throw them away like a worn-out coat,
but year after year you're as good as new.
Your servants' children will have a good place to live
and their children will be at home with you.

*I have used bold text to denote verses that particularly spoke to me.
(Translation taken from "The Message")

"The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood. (Book Review.)

All during American history, women (among many others) have made an effort to receive rights equal to a man’s. The book "The Handmaid’s Tale" by Margaret Atwood presents a horrifying scenario: women have become the property of men, and the men, the property of a damaged government in the Republic of Gilead.

The book begins describing how the main character, a Handmaid named Offred (read: Of Fred), lives with the Commander and his wife and must perform menial tasks such as going to the market (where the signs are not words but pictures, because women are not allowed to read). Her biggest assignment once a month is to lie with the Commander and hope that she can get pregnant, because if she can not, she will be sent to the Colonies, where women and other outcasts work with meagre portions of food and dangerous surroundings. Also in this society, doctors who perform or used to perform abortions are hunted down and murdered, as well as previous religious leaders and promiscuous homosexuals. Anyone that goes against the grain in this new society is punished. Throughout the book Offred reminisces about the years—when she would play with her daughter, go places with her husband Luke, and could work to earn money—before she became a Handmaid in this deranged society.

This story puts a new spin on everyday life. It makes the reader wary of the future, as "The Handmaid’s Tale" can almost seem like something that has already happened before or foreshadowing for a lifestyle that is imminent. The detail in this book is incredible as well. It can make any reader appreciative for all the small things they have—like the freedom of sexuality, the freedom to protest, and the freedom to gain knowledge.

In addition, a topic frequently brought up in this fictional yet realistic account is sexual relations. Though it may be a squeamish topic for the rather conservative audience, sex is presented as something almost sacred. However, at the same time, sex is no longer something that is allowed for pleasure; instead it is only an instinctive act of reproduction. For this reason (and also for a few curse words and other mature topics like death), I would say this book is not for your little brother or sister in elementary and junior high school.

After finishing this book, I felt satisfied, as though I had just lived another’s life through the account of someone in the past, or someone that sent their horrifying tale back in time. The ending is incredible, as it is presented in the future as historical notes by fictional professors and fans of this tale of a Handmaid in a maniacal republic.

“While the initial idea for 'The Handmaid’s Tale' came to me in 1981, I avoided writing it for several years because I was apprehensive about the results—whether I would be able to carry it off as a literary form,” Atwood noted, in ‘A Note to the Reader’. Perhaps it is fortunate she did end up publishing this avant-garde novel until years later. That being said, "The Handmaid’s Tale" is not a dust-collecting addition to the top tier of one’s bookshelf, but rather, something to keep on a nightstand to contemplate over and over again.

Documentation.

I've always documented my body- it's ups, it's downs, it's clay-like morphing before the mirror. Every time I gain, lose, maintain, the way the fat and muscle lay is different.

I don't take photos anymore, and I haven't for over a year. But today I felt compelled to, just so I have a reference. Will I come back, and look at those photos like an outsider (as I always do when it comes to living as me)? Or will I just go back to the being the sculptor, my skeletal remains as the clay?

I want to be able to be in my body, not a skeptical and disgusted purveyor of rotten goods. And if I were honest, I want to be able to vanish from sight, disappear from view, eradicate myself from the planet... like a white-board marker scribble being erased with one fell wipe.

La Vida Dulce. (A Lovely Ditty Written by a Friend.)

I'm a wife, mom and blogger,
Coffee drinker, baker, and jogger.
I don't swim in the sea
Or make potpourri.
I like pizza with a good lager.

(Not really, but it was the only word
that rhymed. Anyway...)

I'm a C-section survivor.
The mother, the gard'ner, the driver,
A maid, and a groomer.
(Have I said coffee consumer?)
I'm not the best, but I try-ver.

I'm the home-school professor,
And my desk is a mess-er.
A guitar player who cooks,
A reader of books;
I'm early to rise, I confess-er.

From laundry [I constantly] flee;
My van is chock full of debris.
I mow the lawn,
Walk our dogs in the dawn-
Only after two cups of coffee.

Like you, I do many things.
But its Christ who gives me the wings
To press on when life's hard,
Knowing He will stand guard.
His love is what makes my heart sing.

Among titles, no more am I "slave":
For Christ overcame that dark grave;
In Him I am free
To be who He's called me to be.
And that's the short story of me.

-La Vida Coffee Gal
(Galatians 5:1)