28 May 2011

Weeks 23 and 24.

Man, I've been slacking with blogging. I feel like time is starting to go by so quickly, though! The last couple weeks have been a blur of hormones, exhaustion, and uncertainty. But can you believe that our little Lucas is already 1.5 pounds and over a foot long? In the last two weeks, he has gotten a lot more active and likes kicking my cervix- something that is quite awkward while I'm sitting or at work trying to focus. :P Another couple things they don't tell you about pregnancy: the peeing any time you sneeze, cough, or even laugh too hard. Oh, and the discharge. Groan, we won't go any further on that topic. :| It's shocking how out of breath I get now when I walk too long or up a couple flight of stairs, and how, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to bend over very well. Kevin has been having to help me up if I sit down on the floor, in fact! And within the last week, my lower back pain has gotten horrible. I can barely get through my 8-hour work day without being in total agony... and that's after walking around/stretching every 30 minutes or so!

I have to say, I was not ready for what my body was going to go through while pregnant. I wish I could say that it is all sunshine and rainbows, but of course, pregnancy is hard work! I try not to let it overwhelm me too often, but even a few days ago, I totally broke down. I especially was not anticipating how much bigger all of my body parts (arms, legs, breasts, butt) would get, and how out of control and uncomfortable I would start feeling. My thought was that it would be "easy" to gain the weight and eat healthily, since I am growing a little human life. Yes, I have gained the weight and still eat (a lot!), but it is NOT easy. It takes a personal choice to be obedient to God and to take care of my growing son. I have seen, a few times now, how restriction can truly cause huge issues and even death to a growing baby. But man, I cannot help but keep thinking about how I am going to lose this weight after Lucas is born!!! I know it's possible, but it's going to take totally giving myself to the Lord and dedicating myself to my child to keep from going back to the enemy's sly tricks (anorexia nervosa, compulsive exercise, etc).

On top of that, there is an "optional" test that (nearly) all moms are prescribed by their doctors between 24-28 weeks. That test is the glucose test for gestational diabetes. This test includes drinking 50g of pure sugar water (something I was TERRIFIED of doing), waiting for an hour, and then coming back to the lab for them to extract 4 vials of blood. Technically, I could have refused this test, and satan was having a blast telling me how "oh, I'm very low-risk for gestational diabetes anyway, and there's absolutely no reason to drink my calories!" So, let's be clear: even though I have not had significant liquid calories (like, I've only had Crystal Light and low-calorie Gatorade when I was puking from hyperemesis) since I was 12 or 13 years old (except, of course, through a nasogastric feeding tube), I finally got up the courage to drink this crap (or maybe I just didn't want to have to explain to my OBGYN that I was too "scared" to drink a 300 calorie bottle of sugar to make sure my body is healthy while growing my baby). I still cried, and man, I spent the next hour praying and expressing my fear to others. But God got me through it, and as expected, He didn't give me anything I couldn't handle. ;) I'll find out the results at my next doctor's visit, at 28 weeks, I believe.

Anyway, I'll wrap this up- basically, pregnancy is beyond what I expected, how it has touched my heart as well as brought me closer to God. Maybe that's why, as always, God blessed me with this miracle who doctors told me would never happen. Thanks, Jesus- you always know how to teach me things the right ways. Well, duh! ;)

Here's the video from our 6-month ultrasound:

22 May 2011

Dear God...

This is something I found on the "Dashboard" of one of my Tumblr followers. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with you all...

Dear God,

How creative You are. The ways You have binded my body together, the way my heart beats and my blood pumps. Its all so intricate, you didn’t have to put so much work into these skin and bones we reside in, and maybe that’s why I thirst to know more about it. Lord, help me not to take anything for granted. This reminds me of how fragile I really am, in all senses of the word, ready to snap at any moment. Ready to crumble in my weakness. But where I am weak, You are strong. Where I fall short You show me what You’ve done for me. When I stumble or become unsteady, You are there to catch me and hold me. How I fit in the palm of Your hand. Its all so beautiful, and I am awestruck. You don’t need me God, You want me, and I desperately need you, but sometimes I act as if I don’t want You. What a fickle, silly girl I am. Naïve in some ways and too mature in others, but I don’t care. The scars are only a reminder of all I could have been. The memories are only a motivator to make the future better. I will desperately cling to You, You are all I have, and that’s the best feeling. You are the ultimate artist, and I am Your canvas. Paint on.

Amen.

07 May 2011

Week 22.

Well, here comes another blog and another week. :) Unfortunately... I am SICK with the flu. Three of my co-workers have been sick (2 of them had to go to the ER, and all of them are on some heavy-duty medications /antibiotics), but because I am pregnant, no antibiotics for me! I have to stick to Benedryl and Tylenol! Ack. :( So, I was out from work for 2 days, and then went back to the grind on Friday. I barely made it through the day. Today, I've just been coughing non-stop. :\

Baby Lucas is kicking and moving around so much! I'm starting to get more used to being uncomfortable while sleeping, not to mention the extra baggage I'm carrying (though I am still really not okay with how little physical fitness I'm getting in and the extra pounds I'm putting on now due to being exhausted after 40 hours of work per week). On Wednesday, Lucas' crib /changer combo was delivered- and today (Saturday), Kevin put it together! How awesome! I just can't wait to get the bedding, the mattress, and all the rest of the furniture... still so much to do. And on that note, I have a few doulas in mind, but still have yet to decide! :P