12 June 2011

Weeks 25, 26, and 27.

As shown in my last post, the last week has not been easy at all. Since the 5th of June, Kevin and I have been in deep mourning for the loss of our baby girl cat Minnie. It pretty much affected my ability to function or focus all of this last week. Two days ago (Thursday), I went in to the OBGYN a week earlier than expected, as I was having severe back pain. We had an ultrasound, and Baby Lucas is doing very well. However, my doctor advised me to go on disability leave. I'm still contemplating it, while I have a doctor's note for the next week.

During this appointment, like all OBGYN appointments, I stepped on the scale backwards. I expected the medical assistant to just nod, and say "Okay," and then I could put my shoes back on and be DONE with the worst part of the appointment. But no, this time she had to announce my weight to me. And it is HIGH. Higher than it has ever been in my life. After panicking a whole lot, I got up the nerve to ask my OBGYN if I was doing okay, and even went so far as to ask him if he would tell me if I was gaining too much. He said my weight gain was fine, and that he'd only mention it if I gained more than 20 pounds in the last 12+ weeks. At any rate, I am still not happy with what I weigh, and my thoughts are pretty much on two things: 1) having a safe, healthy, calm, and prayerfully natural birth... and 2) losing this baby weight while breastfeeding and getting back to training!

We interviewed our second doula yesterday, and she sounds like she might be "the one" for me. Kevin isn't so sure. But I love her philosophy on things like circumcision and breastfeeding. Not only does she provide 2-3 prenatal visits, but also 1-2 postpartum visits... and 1 full year of breastfeeding help. Which, considering I want to breastfeed and train for events again, I will need help, I'm sure. I have a feeling that she'll be helping me know just how much I actually need to be eating to produce a good amount of milk.

We decided to paint Lucas' room, so the bottom quarter of his room is a light blue and there is a dark brown border at the top. We'll be decorating with the turtle and polka-dot appliques. :) We also got the baby shower invitations in the mail, so I've been trying to slowly get all the envelopes addressed.



But yep, pretty much, I'm just more winded from any sort of activity, my back hurts all the time, and oh, I think I have some really itchy spider veins (let's pray they aren't actually tiny stretchmarks) on my outer thighs. Pregnancy has been harder than I thought it would be, and I don't feel like the blissful mommy-to-be that I should be, especially considering we tried for Lucas for so long.

2 comments:

  1. hi,
    i'm really sorry about your kitty.
    secondly, maybe this is naive and simplistic of me, but does it help you if i tell you that you look great, and pregnant, nowhere near fat? and that whatever the number is that is bothering you, does it help to remind yourself that that number is because you are pregnant (again, not "because you are fat")? not sure if that is overly simplistic or not, but you have my empathy and support. i have 2 friends who have history of eating disorders and have delivered babies--different experiences for both of them. (one got pregnant while doing poorly and during pregnancy and afterwards-her twins are 1yr old now-! is in a state of recovery unlike any other, fantastic and inspiring news; the other girl was in a state of recovery when she got pregnant and relapsed badly afterwards.
    obviously it is unique for everyone and depends on a number of things not just weight but i can imagine support, lifestyle, hormones, mental health in general, etc etc etc. obviously it is hard for people with EDs though.

    and even for people without disorders or body image issues!! which brings me to wanting to say to you--please don't berate yourself for "not feeling blissful". i learned in a nursing class (co-taught by psychologists) that it is a myth that pregnancy is an "oh my god! wonderful! blissful!" time, all time, for all women. nope, not the case. especially because of all the hormonal changes. so feeling like crap, moody, irritable, anxious, etc etc or whatever you feel.. is completely normal.

    XOXOXO hang in there.

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  2. Sorry about your loss. We are happy to hear that your baby is fine. We continue to pray for you.

    Christian Tees

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Gimme some love! <3