Honesty Time...

Man, I'll be honest: Being an "on-fire-for-God" Christian is HARD. You might be saying, "Oh, come on, Lily- how hard is it to love God, go to church every Sunday, and read the Bible?" Well, for those of you who don't know, I used to be a hardcore, ready-to-throw-down, staunch atheist. I was one of those kids, at age 10, on the playground telling kids they were stupid for going to church with their parents. Thank God (like, seriously) that I am not that person anymore, but I was not saved until after I was married to an atheist and had multiple friends who were also vocally atheist. So, yes, I am struggling with that- but I praise the Lord that I have Him to walk me through it, placing Godly people in my life.

On that note, I will also be honest and say that it's really difficult to move on with my life and just live free of my "defining" past of anorexia. Even Godly friends/family members, who understand the concept of 2 Corinthians 5:17 will start getting "worried" about how much I am enjoying bike riding. I have to say, though- God is so freakin' awesome. I was flipping through one of my Bibles during an evening where people were especially coming against me (I had three friends attack my beliefs, and family members expressing unnecessary concern about me to the point that, I don't like to admit, I started doubting my own healing), and I guess I had dog-earred these verses; the pages immediately jumped out of my hands and to Job 33:19-30 (The Message version):

God might get their attention through pain,
by throwing them on a bed of suffering,
So they can't stand the sight of food,
have no appetite for their favorite treats.
They lose weight, wasting away to nothing,
reduced to a bag of bones.
They hang on the cliff-edge of death,
knowing the next breath may be their last.

"But even then an angel could come,
a champion —there are thousands of them!—
to take up your cause,
A messenger who would mercifully intervene,
canceling the death sentence with the words:
'I've come up with the ransom!'
Before you know it, you're healed,
the very picture of health!

"Or, you may fall on your knees and pray— to God's delight!
You'll see God's smile and celebrate,
finding yourself set right with God.
You'll sing God's praises to everyone you meet,
testifying, 'I messed up my life—
and let me tell you, it wasn't worth it.
But God stepped in and saved me from certain death.
I'm alive again! Once more I see the light!'

"This is the way God works.
Over and over again
He pulls our souls back from certain destruction
so we'll see the light—and live in the light!

Seriously?! I mean, WOW. If there is one thing (and really, there are MANY things) I have learned over the last six months, it's that God gives us hope for and direction in ALL circumstances! Yeah...wow.