What Love Really Means, by JJ Heller.

Here is a song (and music video) called "What Love Really Means" by JJ Heller- it really touched me in a deep sense that I cannot truly describe. Isn't it amazing to know that, when everyone else seems to be against us, God will ALWAYS love us like his precious little children? <3 Just check out Romans 8:31-39, for example!



“He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew.”

Week 8.

Well, this week has been a crazy one. First of all, OMG... the pregnancy boobs have gotten infinitely worse. I know, I know- I'm sure they will get even more painful and swollen as I progress in the pregnancy and start nursing after Baby Bean arrives. But I finally just had to get a "sleeping" maternity bra because the pain was waking me up at night! Whoa!


Secondly, I have been feeling SO SO SO nauseous, and throw up a couple times a day.
This has led to some issues at work. :\ I finally got a "verbal warning" for leaving early from work too many times. It's frustrating because, even though I'm just processing discharge charts, I can't focus on my work when I'm nauseous, exhausted, bloated, throwing up, and unfocussed (I am off my medication, so it's doubly hard).

So, on that note, I just don't want the stress of my work environment to effect my pregnancy, so I am seeing my general doctor on Monday to talk to her about getting on either pregnancy disability leave or intermittent leave. It's frustrating, but I want to enjoy my first (and probably only) pregnancy!

Anyway, I have no longer been craving eggs or breakfast foods; in fact, thinking of eating an omelette makes my stomach flop. Mostly, I've been eating starchy foods like bread because they are pretty bland- not too sweet or salty. I look forward to actually "showing" and not just being bloated! :P

Week 7.

This week has been tough, but I'm sure it's nothing like what I'll be dealing with when I'm all big and round. So, this week's symptoms are the same as last week, just more exaggerated. I am nauseous, tired (though it's getting a little better because I'm getting used to it), edgy and emotional, bloated, and constipated. :P Yesterday was the first time I threw up from the "morning sickness"- and at work, too. :( But I haven't thrown up before or since.

I am also getting quite sick of all the advice and opinions from well-meaning people. Not to mention, this week, I've dealt with a couple of women -recent mothers- who act like they are know-it-alls when it comes to being pregnant and raising children. It's frustrating and difficult (because I have very few pregnant or recent-mommy friends), but I've decided to cut those kinds of people out of my life, because I don't need any reason to doubt myself.

Speaking of doubt, I have been starting to get a lot more worried and scared about when Baby actually comes, especially when it comes to going back to work. Not only that, but I've been having some crazy dreams- one was about breastfeeding a little boy, and then the next night, I had one about breastfeeding a little girl. I wish I already knew what we were having! I can't wait to get started on the nursery (once known as "the guest room." :)

Also, did I mention that I have been craving breakfast foods and... bread pudding?!

Anyway, that's all I can think of for now. Maybe I'll add some more "preggers updates" later.

13.1 Los Angeles Half-Marathon... with The Bean!

On Saturday afternoon (15 January), I drove with Carolyn 2.5 hours down south to Santa Monica. Of course, being LA, the traffic was unbearable (but I must say, I love the gas mileage of my hybrid!). We picked up our bibs at Top to Top, a sports apparel shop. Then we headed off to our neat art deco hotel called the Cadillac Hotel. Trying to get parked, on the other hand, was an irritation. Our hotel was RIGHT on the boardwalk, so we walked along it and stopped at the FigTree Cafe to have dinner. What did I have? AN OMELETTE. I swear, this pregnancy is making me crave breakfast foods!

On Sunday morning (16 January), we woke up at 545 AM. Amazingly, the starting line was just downstairs and one block over, so we got packed and checked out with plenty of time to spare! The start was at 713 AM, so we started a very slow run with 5 min run/1 min walk intervals. That didn't last long because Carolyn mistakenly ate an entire package of Clif Blocks right before we started, and she ended up very nauseous within a mile. So we walked this, pretty much.

Let me tell you, this was the SLOWEST event I've ever done, but I am glad I took my time- especially since I will be at 7 weeks pregnant on Tuesday. :D Where else can you walk in the middle of the road in Santa Monica and Venice Beach? Where else can you hear random comments yelled at you from crazy homeless people? ("Would you be running faster if I was chasing you with a chainsaw?!") Where else can you find medical marijuana shops on the sidelines? Where else do you see fire-dancing bellydancers shaking it for you? Where else can you get a sunburned face by 8 AM in January? :D

After the event, we immediately walked another mile or so to my car, and we immediately drove the 2.5 hours home. On the way home, we stopped for lunch at Denny's and we both got... what else? OMELETTES! :D

Now, I'm home, and just exhausted. And even though my last half-marathon was a full 1 hour and 4 minutes faster (3:17:02 in comparison to 2:13 last time), I needed to take my time (especially since I'm in the first trimester) and I enjoyed the company, the sun, and the people-watching. I don't feel so bad, either, because Deena Kastor ran a half-marathon in her first trimester and clocked a 3:09... and she's an Olympic marathon record holder!

My photos from the weekend located here.

Week 6.

Technically, I'm making this post at 6 weeks, 4 days. By now, the HCG is coursing through my veins, as was evidenced by my taking ANOTHER home pregnancy test. Yes, seriously. On Tuesday (that's five days ago), I had my first prenatal appointment with Dr Hoang. Despite telling the receptionist, the medical assistant, and writing down the start of my last menstrual period, Dr Hoang STILL misunderstood, and thought that I had gotten my positive home pregnancy test on the 30 November. Uhm, no, Doc, don't you remember me being on the hormones you prescribed during that time? So yeah, he had splatted the ultrasound gel on my gut, and was pushing around, and of course, could find no heart beat. Argh. So, I got my hopes all up, and it just wasn't a very exciting appointment, to be honest. He just gave us the same ol' general info, prescribed me a non-generic prenatal (so I have to go back and get another prescription that my insurance will actually COVER!), and that's that.

He also told me that I should gain 20-25 pounds, though "probably 20 pounds since you're petite." Now, I don't know about all you other moms, but I know that the American Pregnancy Association recommends a weight gain of 25-35 pounds for women who fall into the healthy weight category! This bugged me a little, considering I am sensitive about how much I'm going to gain, and I don't want to feel worried if I gain more than a ridiculously low 20 pounds. (I'm 5'3", guys, and definitely in the low-mid healthy range!)

At any rate, Kevin and I were disappointed by his rather non-compassionate demeanor- but he was HIGHLY recommended by several people, so we are going to give him another chance. We see him again at week 10, in which we'll actually get an ultrasound, I believe.

One thing he did do was give me clearance for running. WOOHOO! Everyone kept telling me that if I "run too much you'll miscarry." This is something I know, people, and rubbing it in my face just makes me more anxious, thank you very much. But as you have seen in my blog below, I went running for the first time while pregnant yesterday. Exciting! I actually am starting to have a little more energy, which is awesome, considering I WAS coming home on weekdays and falling face-first into my bed, still dressed in my work clothes.

Anyway, today Carolyn and I are heading down to LA to do the 13.1 half-marathon down there on Sunday. I promised my husband I would walk the entire thing... except for when I see photographers (and then I'll sprint- haha!)... ;)

First Run with The Bean!

So, back on the treadmill, because I have today off from work. This is the first time I've run since getting pregnant- at least knowingly (since I think I was pregnant on Christmas Eve, but I don't think that counts)!

But man, let me be honest and say... pregnancy boobs are like period boobs x10! So yeah, having them flopping around wasn't too pretty. Nor was the fact that my knee joints are looser. But at least I had energy this morning to do it! But I didn't push it, even cutting it off early because I was feeling twinges of pain. Turns out those "twinges" was just gas. Hahaha.

Afterwards, I did some uncustomary stretching. :)

Week 5.

So... awesome news! Four days ago, I took the 7th home pregnancy test in 7 days- I just "felt" something, like I knew I was pregnant. Plus, I had been tired and unmotivated with my running and had pounding headaches (which I haven't had since I was a teenager).

I looked down, and there was a faint "positive" line on my relatively cheap pregnancy test. I was shocked, and had to confirm it with my hubby. He threw on his jacket, and despite being in his pyjamas, we went to the drug store where I bought one of the good expensive pregnancy tests.

Here's what we saw:



I went to the doctor the next day, who confirmed it excitedly! :) We are pregnant, everybody! We have been trying for a year, and I never thought it would be possible, what with my past and everything! We took our first "baby belly" photos this morning, and I am at 5.5 weeks pregnant. :)




Obviously, there is no real change except some bloating and "your uterus is expanding," says my hubby. I am praying this miracle will stick, though it's still really surreal.

On another note: Next Sunday is my first half-marathon of the year. Can't wait- I will not be pushing myself as hard as I thought I would. But at least I did it! :)